ext_1014 ([identity profile] elliejane.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] elliejane 2006-12-15 11:14 pm (UTC)

Ooh, thanks for responding :)

In a way I was trying to write it by degrees of painfulness, but that pain was definitley focused on being the pain of rejection. The first one was blunt dismissal, the second was a behind his back kind of disappointment. The third (although saaaaaddd) had its underlying core of acceptance. The fourth (although saaaaaadddeeerr) also had acceptance and the attainment of a dream (even though that dream is taken away). The fifth is the acceptance, the dream and the living of the dream.

Of course, all that is overlayed with a different kind of pain, that of grief and guilt and death. It gets more intense, even as the rejection lessens. (In my warped writerly brain I can almost visualise a graph displaying the correlation). I'm glad number five brought you back from the edge!

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