Since you asked for constructive crit, I think the very first sentence would parse better if there were a comma after "light". I'm not sure it would be grammatically correct, but I think it would set off the qualifier better. It took me a couple of tries to read it correctly.
In this early morning, hazy grey horizon light, it's hard to believe the day will be a beautiful one.
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sforzinda
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Date: 2005-07-28 08:58 pm (UTC)Since you asked for constructive crit, I think the very first sentence would parse better if there were a comma after "light". I'm not sure it would be grammatically correct, but I think it would set off the qualifier better. It took me a couple of tries to read it correctly.
In this early morning, hazy grey horizon light, it's hard to believe the day will be a beautiful one.